What Does it Take to Know and Become Who You Are

Sidenote: My book 7 Rules for a Calm Mind in a Chaotic World is now available.

They say that once you know who you are, life feels lighter, like a cold breeze comforting your senses. Your clarity of purpose makes every day exciting no matter how daunting your goals might seem.

But it can be difficult to come to terms with who you really are.

We are conditioned and programmed by the world around us, so much so that we jump into things that we think we will like but end up hating them eventually. It’s like wearing layers and layers of clothing and forgetting what you wore (and loved) underneath it all.

We chase fantasies. You imagine something will be great but as soon as you take action reality hits like a ton of bricks.

I think we all must, at some point in our lives, do a deep introspection into ourselves. 

We need to poke around the forgotten corners of memory, into the dim hallways of childhood, dusty rooms of adolescence and into the bitter sweet first few years of our professional lives where we waded through ambition and failures.

Here are some questions one could ask themselves to give some structure to this contemplation.

What kind of tasks did we keep getting back to? 

What kind of environment did we always cherish? 

What kind of emotions do we keep resurfacing in ourselves? 

What do we keep saying and thinking but never end up doing? 

If and when you arrive at the answers, it can be unsettling.

In fact, chances are that you’ll be surprised — either pleasantly or horridly — at this knowledge about yourself. 

But it is important to arrive at those answers and then either accept or change.

In my experience, acceptance is tougher and yet that’s what leads to peace and clarity.

Nietzsche has said that to become who you are you need to be willing to stand alone. Rabindranath Tagore also stressed on finding your path by walking alone (ekla cholo) if the need be. 

I think this is what scares most people. We want to belong. As soon as we figure that committing to what we truly want to do will entail isolating ourselves from the tribes we’re a part of, we flinch and flip.

I suppose becoming who you are requires a sacrifice that most of us are unwilling to make.