You have a problem. Sometimes you decide in a jiffy. Your senses get exposed to a thing or an idea and you know immediately, deep in your bones, that you love it and want it desperately. And yet there are times when you just can’t decide. Your mind and your soul seem to be in a perpetual state of conflict over that one decision. You keep swinging from one side to the other like a pendulum, not knowing when to stop and where to stop.
So how does one decide? Where’s the ultimate “framework” for making decisions you’d never regret? (because you know you will, don’t you).
A decision is a weird thing. You couldn’t decide when and how to come into this world. And then for the first few years of life you weren’t able to (and allowed to) decide anything. You were spoonfed like a baby (lest you forget, you were a baby). And then one fine day in one fine month in one fine year, it was thrusted upon you to make “your own” decisions.
The problem is that when you are entrusted with making your own decisions, you are clueless. You don’t know a single thing about it because nobody ever taught you. There was no manual, no rundown. It was always “hey, don’t do that, you will get hurt” or some version of it. No nuance, just fear. No pros and cons lists, no deep dives into second order effects, no Socratic method, nothing. You wonder why it is like that until you grow up and see all the adults winging it. You realize that even the grown-ups are mostly clueless and playing Russian roulette all the time with their lives.
Can one really be trusted to make a decision that they won’t regret? Or is it just plain math? Like picking a probability and going with it, not knowing which side of the equation you might end up at.
Here’s what I think. It’s a simple tip that has, or at least seemed to have, worked for me. And no, I do not claim to have learned it all. I have made my share of impulsive, mind-bendingly stupid decisions and somehow made it out alive.
But I have learned one thing that helps with a crucial decision.
Time.
Yes, take your bloody time.
It doesn’t matter how incredibly attractive the prospect of taking the decision might look. Or how preposterously foolish the option might appear at the onset.
Take your time. Sleep on it. For days. For weeks, if needed.
I am not advising inaction or inertia. I am not saying you should be paralysed at the thought of making the decision. If procrastination is your concern then set yourself a deadline.
But do not skip on the time. No matter how great the signals are, no matter how sure your gut feels.
You might arrive at this same decision after taking the time. You might wonder what was the point of sleeping over it when you knew in your heart that you were right.
Well, you probably were. But let the mind play the devil’s advocate for a bit. Let it show you all the angles, the merits and the demerits. You may not agree with the points but at least you get to be aware.
Maybe talk to someone during this time. Someone who might know better. Get a new perspective, a fresh set of eyes. Let them step into your arena. Ask them how it feels. Let them tell you something that might jolt you out of your fantasy land. Or let them share with you the same excitement and exuberance that you feel.
Maybe you will still make the wrong one. That’s the thing about decisions you see. You don’t know if you made the right decision until you have to live with it. But when you take your time to arrive at it, you can be sure that you gave it the attention it deserved and that’s all you could do and that is something you will never regret.
And remember that it’s better to make a decision than being indecisive. The latter can make you miserable, and unbearable to others. Don’t be that person.
Here’s to making the effort.
Cheers,
Abhijeet
P.S. The only exceptions to the above are: 1. When you’ve had enough training in the field. A chess grandmaster should let instinct take over at times. So should a fighter pilot… 2. When you’re in a life or death situation and need to make an instant decision. Let your intuition direct your response in such critical situations.